Learning how people judge you is a good skill
In a NYC metro, you find all kinds of people: rich, poor, struggling, thriving. Most of the time, people don’t care who they are sitting next to. But there are some individuals beside whom no one wants to sit: those who are smelly, coughing, wearing ragged clothes, or carrying trash bags. You get the gist. People are judged based on how they look, smell, and behave on trains, even in a city that, I feel, rarely cares about you.
On one such ride, I noticed a person who was sleeping, taking up at least two seats. I scanned him from head to toe: messy hair, a wrinkled face, an unkempt beard, clean nails, and very old shoes. He wore an oversized T-shirt, decent jeans, and carried a torn, dirty bag from which random clothes were falling out. Despite at least ten people standing, the seats beside him remained empty. He seemed like a decent person who was just having a bad day, and yet, everyone judged him based on the clothes and the bag he carried.
This made me think: Learning how the community you are interested in impressing or being around perceives someone is often a very important skill.
- A restaurant owner should know the ambiance their target customers like.
- Startup founders should know the language their users speak.
- An immigrant should learn the etiquettes of the country they are moving to.
The idealist in me often wants to not judge a book by its cover, but it’s impossible, or at least happens unconsciously. If you want to ruthlessly optimize your chances of winning, learn and observe how people in the community you want to thrive in perceive and judge.
And then embody that! You've got to do what you've got to do.